1. It’s all about GRACE- Galatians 1:15-17
-Of this one thing I am absolutely certain, there is nothing in Hope Murphy that makes me special or set apart or able to minister. I am not even close to sinlessness or perfection… the only thing that gives me assurance that I can lead others, and at this time especially kids, closer to Jesus is that I know, believe and trust that His grace is sufficient for me. I know that He called me and appointed me for such a time as this, knowing my faults, but seeing the potential for Christ at work in me. It’s a miracle beyond comprehension.
2. It’s a lot harder than it looks
-I’ve been in ministry my whole life. I became a youth leader when I was still a youth. I volunteered at church for more than half of my life time (13 yrs) when God called me to go to Bible college where I volunteered practically countless hours, got a taste of working in ministry and learned and studied under some of the most influential and dynamic leaders in the world. I came on staff at PNCC at first part-time (although I worked at least 40 hrs a week pretty much from the beginning), moved to full-time after a couple of months and then became a pastor after 1 year and 3 months. I’m embarrassed to say it, but I looked at people in ministry and pastors and thought… “what are they on about, their job is not much different than mine.” Ha! What a joke! The second I was asked to take on the role of children’s pastor their came upon me a burden and and urgency for kids that I could not articulate or handle. I think it’s God’s way of helping us remember we can’t do it without His help… it is sooooooo impossible.
Archive for April, 2009
if only
If only I could be everything I planned to be. So often I lose sight of who God has called me to be and I fall back into old mindsets that hold me back. I’d love to say that only happens occasionally, but I’m fearful that at times old mindsets prevail more than new. I really do want to please God more than anything… many of the hard choices I’ve had to make in life have been made fairly easily because I knew exactly what God was calling me to do. And I’ve trusted that as long as I listened to His voice… above my own and others, then nothing could keep me from the good and prosperous plans He has for me. Because more than anything I have a burning, God-imparted desire to make a difference… not a little difference, but a BIG difference.
“Oh Lord, that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory. Keep me from evil that I may not cause pain.” -1 Chronicles 4:10
conclusion: content
The conclusion from my previous blog is that we [I] must learn to enjoy life no matter if we’re married, single, divorced, widowed, separated, poor, rich, beautiful, average, tall, short, skinny, not skinny… whatever.
There’s a saying that I like very much… “Church should be enjoyed, not endured.” I fully agree, but I think it goes far beyond the church… I think life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. Of course we’re going to go through tough seasons, but I firmly believe… life is often more about our perspective and attitude than it is about the actual events of our lives.
the life of the “single”
So, I typically write about what God’s talking to me about or ministry or something like that… this is not one of those blogs. 
Talking to some friends in the last couple of days has brought up a lot of issues regarding the single life. Now, all of you married people… please don’t respond with “oh, but you’re so lucky, marriage is sooo hard.” Ok, we get that, we single people will accept that as a given an not say that one is harder than the other.
First up, let me say that I hate the word “single” in regards to one’s status in life. It sounds so lame… like you’re the last one picked when choosing teams to play a game of soccer or you’re getting on a ferris wheel and you’re alone and the guy with no teeth that smells like tobacco yells out “Single! Single!… this here girl is single, does anyone want to come forward and go on the ride with her…we can’t let her ride by herself?” {This didn’t happen to me… saw it in the movie Never Been Kissed}. All of this to say the woes of the “single” are numerous and varied.
Girls are wondering if “He’s the one” or wondering why he hasn’t called in 4 days or what he really meant we he asked you to borrow a pen. Stupid I know, but chances are if you’re a girl you’ve been there at one time or another. Guys are thinking I just want to have fun… a few dates, phone calls and text messages… we’re just friends, we’ll see what happens after a while.
I stupidly saw the movie He’s Just Not that Into You, and it totally messed me up. It was the epitome of relationships in a FALLEN, FALLEN world. Lord help us all.
Anyway, there’s really no point to this blog, I’m just rambling. But, I did come to one conclusion in the last couple of days…
the weight
I don’t know if there has ever been a time that I have felt the weight of ministry more. I’m crying out to God, “it’s too much, I handle it!” It eases every once in awhile then comes back heavier and harder to bear. I’ve never thought of myself as an emotional person… I typically think very logically and clearly and am not deterred by what I feel.
That is not so much the case in recent weeks. Truth be told I don’t know how much I can/should share… I certainly don’t know with whom to share it, so it builds and builds and builds.
The result… I react when things don’t turn out like I want them to, I isolate myself from people who I “feel” like notice because I think they’ll never understand, and I am distracted from doing what I can do by getting caught up in what I can’t.
The weight that I’m talking about literally feels like a physical weight placed on my shoulders. I have had more back, neck, head aches in the last weeks that I’ve had in all my life put together. I look at those in positions of greater responsibility and I think, “how are they surviving?” I’m ready to crumble and mine is nothing compared to theirs.
I hear God whisper… “Give it to me…”
I yell back “but, I do! then it comes back and there’s even more.”
“Give it to me…I’m doing something here”
“But I can’t just let it go!”
“Learn to trust Me.”
“I want to, but what if it doesn’t work out…how can I not care this much?!?”
“LAY–IT–DOWN”
I whisper, “ok”
One little word of surrender and it lifts a little…the weight is lightened, not gone, but bearable.
As I wrote this it caught my attention that when I first heard God speak it was a whisper, I yelled back in response. By the end of the conversation He shouted, I whispered… interesting.
