search for significance
So, I’m doing this study called the search for significance. The first week it listed several areas that people commonly struggle with and said to mark the ones that you thought might apply to you. I looked at the list and thought…hmm, I don’t think I need to do this study…I think I’m good, I’ve got this stuff down.
Then week 2 hit… It was all about the fear of rejection. Then I began to realize… yeah, I’m screwed up in the head.:) It focused a lot about perfectionism and our need to have achievement after achievement, success after success. That is certainly true of me. Not that that’s wrong, but it stems from a need to cover other faults and inadequacies within myself.
I realize now that I can not handle criticism. I get really defensive and I perceive criticism often when it is not intended. Also, I place unrealistic expectations on myself. When I feel like I fail at those things, I react in by finding fault in other areas.
I’m praying that as I complete this study it will help me to deal with this issue in my life now that I can see it. 
Where can I find the search for significance? I’m in terrible need of it right now. One of the things I’ve been pondering is whether or not I’ve been called. In the beginning I said no way, I’m not good enough, now I’m wondering if I’m actually being called and to what ministry. I’m talking to a past pastor of mine, a childhood friend who is now a pastor, and my current pastor about this. My friend said he knew that he was being called when he realized that nothing else in this world was more important than serving Christ. I realized that I hadn’t even thought of that and that as I look upon my life as a whole I don’t have anything that seems to be that important to me. I’m trying to figure out my own significance in this world and what God’s purpose is for me. I feel like a ghost just kind of wandering around purposeless but with a strong desire to help people, pray with them, pray for them, be there with them through thick and thin. I dont’ know how to put that into service.
Anyway, I would love to check out this study you’re doing. I actually found your blog after googling “becoming a pastor”.
Thanks, Wendi
Hi Wendi!
The study that I’m doing is called “The Search for Significance” by Robert S. McGee. You can purchase it online through. I would recommend the workbook because it challenges you to ask and answer questions about your heart and motives. It’s a great book for dealing with past hurts and for stepping towards wholeness. A good book for finding your God-given dream is “The Dream Giver” by Bruce Wilkinson.
I believe that every Christian is called to full-time ministry. Now that may not be as a paid staff person at a church, but it does mean that wherever God places you you’re bringing the people around you one step closer to Jesus. I pray that God will reveal to you the plans that He has for you.
God Bless!